Last week a very disturbing video was released by Kathleen Smith of Tombal, Texas on her personal account. She had her facebook settings so that the public could see it. Her friends said she was going to go viral. And they were right. This video is starting to hit media outlets. If you'd like to view the video. Here it is....
She was upset about a loud child in the store. We get it. Most of us have had to hear a loud child in the store or restaurant. My husband and I rarely get to go on dates b/c there are not very many people capable of watching children on the spectrum. So our dates are rare and only three hours tops. So when we go to a restaurant and have to listen to loud children that parents won't discipline ...yes, its annoying. I totally get it. But, we don't go and make video rants about it.
She never identified the child as special needs. But, many of us in the autism community could see our children being that child. One of the things people don't understand about autism is that some of our children and even adults can experience sensory overload quickly when they go into places like a grocery store. This sometimes leads to a meltdown. A meltdown is very different from a temper tantrum that (NT) typical children have. In a tantrum a child wants something (candy, your attention) but, in a meltdown the child is in crisis. They aren't looking around to see reactions etc. I think that on some level people know something serious is happening. Which is why we have to deal with a lot of stares and nasty comments when this occurs. Since she was so traumatized from the whole thing perhaps that is what she witnessed.
She prayed to baby Jesus "...let there be something wrong with that child."
Who wants something to be wrong with a child?
She wonders why the mother hasn't "beatin the fuck out of that kid yet?"
OK- I have spanked my kids in the past. But, with my middle child that is NOT an option b/c it leads to self harm behaviors. And its absolutely heartbreaking to see. So no...I'm not going to say beating the fuck out of a kid is ok. And if you are against abuse you'll just love her parenting ideas she expressed in her first "apology video"
She talks about possible emotional problems, birth defect etc. Then goes on about how traumatic this was for her. And how she and a cashier gossiped about the child.
Then she offers two...I mean three suggestions, "Kill it, give it away, or leave it at home. If it's got a problem leave it at home." Kill it...really? You don't even joke about killing a child..EVER. Give it away? Really? To whom...someone like you? Leave it at home? No. For a few reasons. Our children will not learn to function in society if they are left at home all the time. This is true with typical children as much as it is for special needs children. With the exception of Kathleen, adults have coping skills. Not all families are two parent families or have a support team that makes it possible for them to leave a loud child at home. So guess what, you are going to see loud children at grocery stores. But you do have options: you can ignore it, or offer help. Simple stuff...basically deal with it like an adult. The child Kathleen complained about is young. She still has a chance to grow out of her outbursts. Sadly Kathleen is a middle aged woman who probably will never grow out of hers.
Her first apology video
It's not really an apology. She basically admits that children and parents piss her off. That her parenting philosophy is that children should be afraid of their parents. And that her children were afraid she would snap and be on the news someday. I can see their concern. She is also considering starting a parenting blog. I'm sure lots of people will flock to it so their children don't grow up to plant trees, save the Earth or recycle. We all know that's a waste of time when you could be making a fool of yourself on youtube.
The second backhanded apology.
My first thought was that this is the best apology a person like her is capable of. But there were so many backhanded insults its hard to ignore. She also back peddled on many things. And said that if you contacted her with negative feedback that you were on the wrong bandwagon.
Dear Kathleen,
You said that it wasn't about autistic children. Even though you mentioned special needs in your first video. Even if it wasn't about a special needs child. You were speaking about a CHILD. I guess in your mind its ok to say you should kill a NT/typical child. What you said is not ok.
You said if special needs parents took as much time with our children as we did going after you we would get something accomplished. FYI: Only a handful of other page owners spent much more than 10 minutes on you. Most people saw the videos we posted. Then went over to give you an earful. You spent a lot of time on it b/c you actually read what LOTS of people said about you. Don't think for a second that you actually understand our struggle. Or that you understand how much time and resources we pour into our children. You don't understand...and you never will. I don't think you are capable of seeing much beyond yourself.
Dear Kathleen,
You said that it wasn't about autistic children. Even though you mentioned special needs in your first video. Even if it wasn't about a special needs child. You were speaking about a CHILD. I guess in your mind its ok to say you should kill a NT/typical child. What you said is not ok.
You said if special needs parents took as much time with our children as we did going after you we would get something accomplished. FYI: Only a handful of other page owners spent much more than 10 minutes on you. Most people saw the videos we posted. Then went over to give you an earful. You spent a lot of time on it b/c you actually read what LOTS of people said about you. Don't think for a second that you actually understand our struggle. Or that you understand how much time and resources we pour into our children. You don't understand...and you never will. I don't think you are capable of seeing much beyond yourself.
I don't care that you use profanity. I use a lot of it myself. That is between you and the baby Jesus.
You did receive lots of complaints about your driving and video taping. That was one of my concerns as well. We both know this isn't the first time you have done this. You really need to figure out those privacy settings if you want people to believe your lies. I'm not sure you should even be driving when you are so emotional. Let alone video taping. Accidents happen even when people are paying attention to the road. I hope that you are more responsible in the future.
As far as the negative comments you received at the bookstore. I feel bad if your mother saw any of that. It's hard when people criticize your children or parenting. And by all accounts your mother is a very kind person. It's so sad that she has to see you like this Kathleen. I'm sure this isn't what she wanted her daughter to become. But, I'm not going to criticize her parenting. I'm sure she did the best she could. Just like that mother in HEB.
Kristi
Kristi
Love this! You know, I spent a great deal of time angry at this woman. And in my anger I found encouragement and ideas from who knows where, not from her, but I found it and I am going to run with it.
ReplyDeleteI understand about loud kids interrupting shopping and dinners. I really do. But for the most part they are kids. Kids are loud. I have the option to shop somewhere else or to eat somewhere else if its bothersome to me.
There are kids in this world who have such great difficulty in public settings. Kids with autism and other disorders that lead to sensory issues. And more than anything, these kids need to be taken out in public and taught coping strategies and taught how to engage. Its so very important for their futures.
So I have this idea. Movie theaters and other kid friendly venues are starting to emerge with sensory friendly hours for kids who enjoy going but cannot handle the normal stimulation of these places. I am in the process of writing letters to stores and restaurants where moms like me tend to do our business and planting a seed in their minds that it is entirely feasible to offer sensory friendly shopping hours once a week or sensory friendly dining hours every now and then. Some of the smaller grocery chains that close in the evenings could possibly stay open an hour later one day a week (I would settle for once a month) where they could reduce the volume on the cash register beeps, lower the volume or completely turn off the music streaming through the speakers) dim the lighting (I'm even going as far as suggesting LED lighting that doesn't hum, and although it is brighter, seems to be less distracting for some people with SPDs). It doesn't have to cut in to their bottom line. I've started talking to a lot of people in my community - the elderly, people with social anxiety disorders, people who are just exhausted after work and want to be able to quietly grab a few things at the store or have a meal without all the fuss.
I'm still in the process of gathering ideas and putting these thoughts into action, but I really think this could work, given businesses are willing to try.
I'm not wanting to proceed with this to make life easier for the Kathleens of the world and to bow to their ideas of what our kids are, but because it really is so much harder on our kids and us as parents than it will ever be on people like Kathleen.
That is awesome:)
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